Parenting after childhood trauma is like walking a tightrope over a whitewater canyon while carrying your child in your arms, constantly afraid of making a fatal misstep, anxious the whole time that the rope will snap and everything you’ve built will be lost forever. I was constantly battling the fear that I’d damage my child, second-guessing my every decision, and feeling guilty when I lost my cool over insignificant little stuff. It was utterly exhausting trying to get everything right without the support of loving parents when I needed them most, and being so preoccupied with making mistakes that I was missing out so much of the joy of those precious early years with my firstborn. I tried everything – therapy, books, scripts – but nothing seemed to stick when I was in the heat of the moment, leaving me frustrated and worried about permanently scarring my relationships with my partner and children. Deep down, I was terrified that if I didn’t figure this out, I would end up pushing my kids away, just like I had to distance myself from my own parents out of self protection.

I read 100+ books and scoured the Internet looking for solutions to the unique pains that come from bringing your own childhood trauma to new parenthood.

I listened to hundreds of hours worth of podcasts, from new parents and experts alike, searching for clues as to what might be happening to me. I sought the advice of therapists and friends.