Today was my last day as a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow I start my new job, and Sadie starts daycare. The plusses: Sadie will get to spend Tuesdays at home with her dad, and Trevor will get to experience a day in the life of an at home parent; I’m going to be a copy writer at my most favorite nonprofit organization (where, incidentially, I have a number of friends already); the new workplace is family-friendly, with a pumping room for breastfeeding moms, and I’ll potentially get to do some of my writing from home. Oh, and there’s a cafe on site, so I’m planning on having Trevor bring Sadie up for lunch on Tuesdays. I might even see about visiting Sadie on my lunch breaks sometimes.
Even with all of that, though, I’m still sad and apprehensive. We’ve worked so hard at this Attachment Parenting business, and I’m scared that this monumental change is going to mess things up. There are so many what-ifs. The folks at the daycare are good people, but nobody will be able to care for her in the way she’s become accustomed to. I know they’ll do right by her, I just wish I could be two people, really: the mom who gets to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with her, and the mom who makes money to contribute to the family bottom line. It’s not an original wish, I know, but it’s a new thing for me. When I left my previous job, it was with the plan to find good part-time work as a social worker. That plan didn’t shake out, and instead, I’ve landed my dream job. Which is awesome, except it will be that much harder when Sadie’s sibling eventually comes along and I have to again choose between career and family. With Sadie it was a no-brainer. I liked my job, but not enough to stay instead of being with her. THIS job could, however, be THE ONE. Okay, it could also end up not being the one. So here I am, getting way ahead of myself, and worrying about things that may never even become issues. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be the Brooke you know and (maybe) love.
This is all just to say that I am excited and nervous and sad and thrilled about tomorrow.
Dear daycare, please don’t leave my baby crying alone in her crib.
Here are a couple of pictures to leave you with. I’m never sure what order my app is going to post them I , so I’ll just tell you that one is Sadie being a big girl and doing a Kroger advert, and the other is Sadie and BFF Margie sleeping in their matching car seats.