Going on meds

Yesterday I went to a psychiatrist for the first time. Based on what’s been going on over the past month and a half, my therapist really wanted me to see someone and to consider going on some medication. It was stressful getting to the appointment, and I felt self-conscious about being there. There were several parents there with children, but they seemed to be there for their children.  There was this one man there who, let’s face it, was kind of handsome and totally normal-looking.  And I thought, “Okay, if he’s here, then maybe it’s okay for me to be here.”  But then his little son came in behind him, and I overheard them talking about how the son’s behavior had been over the past week (he, apparently, has difficulty being respectful to his siblings…didn’t we all?).

The session went fine, and I liked the doctor pretty well.  She was mild-mannered, and she’s got children, so she knows how demanding having a new baby can be.  She went ahead and gave me a diagnosis of adjustment disorder, because I don’t meet enough criteria for depression or generalized anxiety disorder, but I do have a sort of mix of those symptoms.  It’s about as vague a diagnosis as you can get, and it has an air of impermanence about it that is refreshing for someone whose parents suffer from long-term mental illnesses. My greatest fear through all of this is that I’ll end up like my mother (and not in the normal way we all fear turning into our parents).

She prescribed an SSRI, and I started taking it today.  I took my first pill this afternoon, and boy was that trippy.  I got on the couch with Sadie so she could take a long nap and I could at least lie down.  After a little while, my throat started feeling weired, the skin on my face felt a little numb, and I was drowsy.  And I totally tuned Trevor out while he was trying to talk to me at one point.  As in, I was cutting watermelon and he was talking to me, and I had no idea he was saying words out loud.  We missed bath night with Sadie last night, so I had to make Trevor be the primary bath-giver tonight (he’s usually assisting me), so Sadie wouldn’t get dropped in the water or anything.  So I think I’ll be taking my pills at bedtime from now on.  It will likely take 2-4 or even 6 weeks to see any effects, but hopefully we will.  And hopefully there won’t be any negative effects (as much as headaches and sexual dysfunction sound like fun!).

I guess, in a way, I was there for Sadie.  I was there to get myself help so she can have the happiest, sanest, safest mother she can have.

3 thoughts on “Going on meds

  1. eve

    Brooke, I am so impressed by you. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope that this combo of medication and therapy sessions will be good for you. I am a big believer in medicine and I think a lot of people are too shy to take that first step. So good for you! I have been thinking about you a lot since little Sadie arrived.

    You are not your mother. I see you as a loving, sweet, very attentive mother. And getting help is an amazing thing to do for you and for Sadie and Trevor. Good luck with the meds. If they make you feel like a zombie (even after taking them at bedtime) don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about switching. My doctor put me on a depression medication at first that made me feel like I was sleepwalking. i switched and found one that makes me feel totally normal, except without all the sad stuff. 🙂

    1. citysteader Post author

      Thank you for the kind words. It’s been two weeks now, and I’m still really pleased!

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. Shannon

    good for you brooke. you got to take care of yourself. about the stigma…a lot of the clients I see I think to myself if I went through what they went through I don’t know that I would be handling it as well as they are. you are doing the right thing.


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