Cold feet

I’ve been wanting to post, really, I have.  Part of the problem is that I don’t quite have the time to do it.  Sadie is a cuddle bug who very rarely is okay with not being held.  I can do one-handed things on the computer while I hold her, but typing a post is pretty much out.  The other problem is that I’ve got cold feet.  I want to write about how recovering from a c-section I didn’t see coming sucks big time.  I want to write more about how horrible the experience itself was (for my own emotional-processing sort of reasons, not to scare anybody).  I want to write about how I love Sadie but it’s sometimes hard to be so “on-demand” all the time.  I want to write about how Trevor is outstanding and how I can’t fathom doing this without him and how glad I am that we made a baby together.  I just don’t have the emotional energy to do it.

So here’s some light stuff:

Sadie was two weeks old yesterday.  We went back to the doctor’s office for a weigh-in, and she’s up to 9 pounds, 1.6 ounces.  So it looks like our breastfeeding efforts are going to good (chunky) use.  She’s getting much better at diaper changing time and even outfit changing time.  Even with slow-poke mom.  I swear, I must be the world’s slowest diaper changer.  Then again, I’ve never really been known to be fast at much.  I’ve been doing really poorly at taking lots of pictures of her, so I don’t have one of her at two weeks.  Oh well.   I do have some spectacular pictures to share taken by my friends Katie and Corrinne.  I’ve been meaning to post these, but, as I said, I’ve been busy and tired and tied up.  Here are just a few favorites.

By Katie Short at four days:


By Corrinne Horne at eight days:


7 thoughts on “Cold feet

  1. Becky (Scott) Mounsey

    It’s okay to have those feelings….I did as well.
    Don’t let anyone tell you to “be happy,” etc. It’s your right to grieve. Just make sure you are still okay with everything in the long run. It’s a hard pill to swallow, and it takes some time. (My) Trevor is 16 months now & I want to VBAC with our next (or at least attempt it)….I get lots of flak from others b/c of the ‘risks I would take,’ esp in the profession I am in).
    Anyone who has to have an unexpected C/s, can understand it’s a lot more involved than the physical aspect. It didn’t hit me emotionally until I was home, recovering….::hugs:: Hope you feel better soon!

  2. Shannon

    I love the pictures. I am so sorry for how everything went for you. I know it is very disappointing. In time, you will make sense of it all. It is wild all the different emotions that go into being a new mom (not to mention with the birth story you have). Sadie is beautiful though and well worth it all.

  3. Natalea Stover Shepherd

    Hang in there. I completely understand the “on demand” part. I am nursing #3 and she is 8 months old. I stil feel like she is attached at the hip, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Just remember…”this too will pass”! It helps get me through the hard times. If you would like any breastfeeding support or just a somebody to talk to about the experience please just ask. I promise I have been there and done that with at least 1 out of the 3. Good luck and keep your chin up!


  4. erin bradford

    Yeah, surgery’s never supposed to be fun. That’s god’s way of keeping people from getting unneeded plastic surgery. Octomom is missing that gene, unfortunately… But seriously, that Sadie is gorgeous and I hope you are recovered soon!

  5. sarah

    hey… i’m sarah, one of kat’s friends. i just stumbled upon your blog and can totally relate to how you are feeling. i have a six week old and get everything you are going through… being on demand 24-7 is tough and breastfeeding is serious stuff! i feel so accomplished because we’ve made it this far.

    i did not have a c-section, but my birth when differently than i had planned as well. i thought i would just go into labor, but never did and was induced at 41 weeks. i thought i would go sans ep, but when it came down to it, i caved.

    i also had a hard time adjusting to not being pregnant anymore. it may sound weird, but i think i was mourning my pregnancy.

    anyway, maybe i’ve blabbed too much. if you ever want to chat, please shout out.

    twitter name is amanuensvagen4

  6. melissa

    brooke and baby are looking just beautiful.

    i’m sure all mommys feel like you do. you’re an all-star. 🙂


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