It’s less than one week till Sadie’s birthday. Till she’ll no longer be an infant. We’ve been in get-ready-for-the-party mode, and things are shaping up nicely.
The thing I’m nervous about, though, is how I’m going to do when we get there. Right after Sadie was born, I kept reliving the whole birth experience. I’d ask Trevor over and over to go through the timeline with me. What time did I wake you up with my contractions? What time did I get in the birthing pool? What time did I start pushing? What time did we leave for the hospital? What time did they take me back for the c-section? What time did they let you back? What time did they take Sadie to the nursery? What time did they bring me back to recovery? What time did I get to See Sadie for the first time. What time did I get to hold her? What time did we decide to transfer her? What time did they take her in the ambulance? What time did I get transferred? What time did I sleep? What time did I get to nurse Sadie for the first time? What time did we get to take her home?
I haven’t asked these in a while, but I can feel them bubbling up. Like a champ, Trevor recounts them each time. I can’t imagine how I would have done all of that without him. At various milestones, I have said something like, “A week ago today, I was having contractions,” or, “Three months ago from right now, Sadie was being transported.” As more and more time has gone by, these walks down memory lane have gotten fewer and farther between, and I think it’s part of the healing process. My hope is that I will be able to keep my focus on April 3rd as the first anniversary of the Day Sadie Joined Us, rather than of the Day I had that Traumatic Experience. I really think I can, if for no other reason that Sadie is irresistably awesome. But also because I think I’ve grown a lot in the past year. I wouldn’t say the wound has completely healed–even my surgical scar still hurts sometimes. But I’m enjoying Sadie and our life so much, it makes the pain easier to handle.
Oh, and the random picture (that I took and edited with my phone) here? It’s of a wool diaper soaker I am attempting to knit for Sadie. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but it should still perform alright!