you know you’re at a progressive redneck birthday party if…

* the birthday boy gets presents from the oppelo flea market
* nobody bothers to put the pbr in the fridge

* you drink your wine from a mason jar
* instead of hamburgers you have deer burgers

* the highlight of the evening is arm wrestling
* the dogs present have names like “bruiser” and “dixie”

* even the girls arm wrestle
* there’s a real slingshot hanging from the ceiling

* trading outfits is the norm (yes, he’s wearing my clothes)
* this is the first time you’ve seen the floors finished (and you’re not allowed to ash or spill beer anymore)

* the cowboy and the computer guy can switch roles (and clothes)
* there’s a light-up “mad dog” sign on the wall

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