It’s almost 2 in the morning. I’ve finally convinced Sadie that she wants her dad instead of me. I’m paranoid that as soon as he tries to put her back down in her crib, she’s going to start crying again, asking for “nuh-nuh” and “mama.” So I can’t fall back asleep.
I feel like I’m in some Catch 22, where if Sadie had weaned (more like, if I had weaned Sadie) before she got so old and demanding and strong and cognizant of what she Needs and Wants, maybe we wouldn’t be here. With a 21 month-old who demands–with hits and screams and tears and bites–that the only way she’s even considering going back to sleep is with having first nursed. But I made the decision early that we’d follow her lead, and so here we are.
In the light of day, after having finally woken fully up, say, after lunch, I’ll tell you all the reasons we’re letting Sadie wean on her own terms. Comfort, nutrition, immune system, security, Attachment, World Health Organization.
But now, in the middle of the night, and at 5:30 this morning when Sadie is UP? I am so fucking sleepy.
Lots of you probably have suggestions and ideas. They’re probably either helpful or offensive. Or we’ve already tried them and failed.
Sleep somewhere else a few nights? I went to Africa for a week.
Let her sleep in our bed? She never stops nursing long enough to sleep. Well, almost never. And she flails all around the entire time she’s nursing, so nobody else is getting any sleep.
Let her cry it out? Not. Gonna. Do it.
Tell her the nuh-nuhs are sleeping? She’s too smart for that, apparently.
I’m not looking for her to Sleep Through The Night or anything magical like that. I just want to be able to stay in bed every once in a while and have Sadie let Trevor calm her back to sleep.
And I just want to know… When did all that oxytocin I was promised turn into resentment?