Probably the first of many

I had my first bad pregnancy dream.  I started going into labor even though I was only 6 weeks along.  Someone told me the baby would be alright, but I knew it wouldn’t.  That’s all the detail I’ll go into here, but it was pretty disturbing.

It’s not uncommon for me to have bad dreams and even nightmares.  Especially concerning things I’m having anxieties over.  I’m sure this is normal.  What I’m not sure is normal is the fact that, for the past few days, I’ve been nervous to go to the bathroom, because I’m scared I’ll suddenly have my period.  My guess is that it is normal, but it’s no good since I’m peeing all the time now.  I think part of it is being worried that I’ll loose the baby, but I think the other part is that I’ve never gone this long without getting my period.  I know, rationally, that I’m not supposed to, but it’s like my subconscious is still waiting to start.

I still don’t know exactly where I am on the great timeline of pregnancy, but I think the baby is about the size of a small grain of rice right now.  The spooky thing is that the nervous system is starting to develop, and the heart (which I think is the size of a poppy seed or something) is already dividing into chambers.  It’s suuuuper hard to imagine a heart that small.  Just the fact that the baby is soooo tiny, yet all this is already going on, is pretty mind-blowing.

I feel like I need a name to call the baby while it’s so little like this.  Trevor and I have talked about it, but we haven’t come up with anything that sticks.  The plan is to wait to be surprised with whether it’s a boy or a girl, and we’ve had some conversations about names that we’re maybe interested in.  But it feels weird to call it “it,” and it’s too cumbersome to always call it “the baby.”

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