Inspired by a meeting today with two successful bloggers in my local area, I’m considering taking up blogging again. Who knows if it will stick; I do a lot of writing at work, and I don’t often have much left in me for writing at home. I’ve stripped it all down to the basics, and want to start all over: from scratch, of course. I want to focus on my words and the documentation of my life as myself and as a parent.
Here’s what I want to say about parenting today: It is hard, and I didn’t do my best today.
I yelled at Sadie. A lot. Loudly.
I also did something I thought I’d never do, or at least not until she’s much older. I told her that when I was a little girl, my parents spanked me. They hit me. I don’t think I wanted to scare her, but I did want to get her attention. I told her that her dad and I would never, ever hit her. I think part of me wanted her to know that as bad as the yelling was tonight, it would never turn into hitting. Who knows what she’ll take from that information. I know I don’t feel great about it.
I am immensely glad for the strong attachment that is the foundation of our relationship, because when we both regained our composure, we spent the next several minutes hugging, kissing and I-love-you-ing.
Tomorrow is another day; we can try all over again.